Well howdy do kiddies, it’s your old pal the Knolls Ranger getting’ ready to spin you one of my world famous yarns. Now thissy here one’s near and dear to me for it’s all about a literal doll by the name o’ Belle who happens to be my best gal. My heart beats three times what the docs say it’s supposed to when she shows up on the Atlantic Cooridor grinning pure as pudding and waving that cowgirl hat of hers around. I’m real thankful she’s back in my life and thought y’all might like to here the story about how she came to be. It all has to do with magical LA river run-off, the Dooley family, and the simple beating of two hearts. But this ain’t the kind of tale one just tells alright, heavens now, a story this splendiferous can only be sung. So without further ado I give you the whopping’ campfire song, The Ballad of the Bixby Belle as composed by country western legend Steamboat Smolar and best appreciated when sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies.
Come hither, take a listen
to a sordid type of tale
’bout a misses supersticious
that we call the Bixby Belle
Her origins are well known
from here to Belmont Shore
it all started in our Lord’s year
around 1954
Her friend, the Knolls Ranger
got Belle as a reward
from Mrs. Dooley’s doll collection
when he washed and waxed her Ford
The Knolls Ranger carried Belle
almost everywhere he went
with a notable exception
when he gave her up for lent
One day, trouble came a-brewin’
for the Ranger and his gal
They were by the LA River
when the Ranger tripped and fell
He tried to correct his stumble
but the pavement he did meet
while the doll fell in the river
the Ranger scrambled to his feet
After Bixy Belle had fallen
our Hero dove right in
To save his dear companion
and to be with her again
When the Ranger found Belle
he was surely quite surprised
for the magic of the river
put a sparkle in her eyes
Our Belle, now a real girl
she was no longer a doll
she could talk and think and yodel
and go shopping at the mall
Now the Bixby folks all rejoice
to have a super homespun team
the Ranger and Bixby Belle
are as sweet as peach ice cream
I credit all the sweetness to my wonderful girl, the apple of my life, the eye of my light! Why just take a gander at her humble and benevolent being.
