Archive for October, 2009

Even Rangers Pinch Nerves

Saturday, October 17th, 2009

Every Day Zen Relaxation StudioGreat grumbling goats of gallimaufry, was I ever in pain the other day!  That’s right, some-when between the demolition and my 5-o-clock luncheon I realized that an aggravated neck injury was gaining in intensity and reaching a fevered pitch.  Only one thing to be done in the matter, I had to give Keicher Payne at Everday Zen Relaxtion Studios a call.  I am 125 years old after all.

“Ow, eee, yowza!  Can you save me?!”  I cried into my patented Ranger telecommunications transmitter (it’s kind of like a cell phone, but more super).

“Save the Knolls Ranger?” Payne replied, “Why, we’d be honored.”

Keicher Payne & neck pain

So I galloped down to 3740 Atlantic Avenue clutching my stiffened pinched neck the whole way.  Ran up the stairs to studio #201, and fell prostrate to the floor.  “Oooo, eee, ooo, wah, wah!”  I exclaimed.

“Ting tang walla walla bing bong.”  her wondrous staff softly consoled.

A much needed massageTwo cups of gourmet Roobios tea, and one hour of intense massage from the magic-fingered Kimmy later, and I was ready to go back out and preserve the Bixby way of life once more!

Everyone was friendly, the place was clean, and the music catchy.  You strip down to your underwear but they let you keep your identity-preserving mask on.  And the tea was exquisite.

But above-all what stuck out most to this super-hero was the staff’s care in treating, and their expertise in coaxing muscles back to where they should be.  If ever you’re in need of some relaxation, Everyday Zen is the place to go!

Make Way For Marshalls!

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

Demolition Derby

It’s demolition time up in beautiful Bixby Knolls, as Butch and his associates from Ed Grush construction get swinging on the eradictaion, and reconstruction of an over 10 year vacant Robert’s lot!  The plan?  After a few days of daring destruction and 1 year of carefully coordinated rebuilding Bixby Knolls will find itself in the proud possession of a brand new Marshalls department store.  And this Ranger, for one, is going to get himself some new dickies.

big machine The annihilation began promptly this  morning at an unusually warm 10 am.  Your true friend, The Knolls Ranger was there, schmoozing, cruising, and scarfing on as many donuts as his eyes could spy.  But that’s not all!  A champagne bottle was crushed upon the dank and dusty old domicile, Long Beach Redevelopment Agency’s Director of Development Services Craig Beck and some former and current members from the 8th district waxed nostalgic, and I carried a platter of snack cakes around!

Other havoc-hungry onlookers included the ever regal Duke and Duchess of Bixby Knolls, Michelle Mangioni and her music box, Blair Cohn and the BKBIA staff, and even Annie, the lovable, laudable pooch!

Always ready to lend a benevolent hand I gave the old building a stern talking-to of my own, and then kicked back and watched the carnage!  Huzzah!


Knolls Ranger voted Best Superhero By District Weekly!

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Knolls Ranger

The District Weekly has their Best of LB issue out now and guess who was voted Best Superhero?!  The issue also featured an enlightening interview with my friends the Duke and Duchess of Bixby Knolls!  Read the full article here.

Stan Lee and Me!

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

At the Convention Center

Right after my Ranger Radar detected Long Beach’s first annual Comic Book Convention, I knew that this was something worth attending (the Knolls Ranger is a closet Cerebus fanatic after-all).

Content with my plans to bump elbows with the hottest nerds in the business, I branched out of my Bixby abode and began the trek downtown towards The Long Beach Convention Center with only this mantra reiterated ad infinitum in my Bixby brain, “I am going to get so much merch, I am going to get so much mad merch.”

I had hardly made it over The San Diego Freeway however when the official Knolls Ranger signal flashed in the sky!  Someone was in need of my services.  I ran as fast as my ranger legs could carry me.

The someone in question turned out to be none other than fellow comic book fan, and 1st district Councilman Robert Garcia who was extending an invitation to yours truly to be a part of the conventions opening ceremonies which included presenting a certificate on behalf of the city of Long Beach, to the Marvel master, the father of Spider-Man, The X-Men, the Hulk, and others, the true believer himself, Stan “The Man” Lee.  I died and went to Ranger heaven.

Stan "the man" Lee

As Uncle Ben himself always said, “with great power, comes great responsibilty”, and my first responsibility was finding the site of the presentation to begin with.  The woman at the front desk was very helpful.

Helpful Front Desk Lady

Here I am mugging in front of the camera with councilmen Garcia.  We make quite the team.

Councilman Robert Garica

Before I could get to Stan Lee I had to grapple with two fiendish femme fatales from Gotham’s Rogue Squadron:  Poison Ivy, and Harlequin.  Yipes!

Dastardly duo

Finally I made it.  ”Hello Mr. Lee, I am the Bixby Knolls Ranger,”  I promulgated in his presence, “Long Beach’s first official super-hero.”  To which the legendary storyteller cracked a great grin, shook my hand, and said simply, “Oh, well now I feel really safe.”


Excelsior!Stan Lee, Jeph Loeb, Robert Garcias, The Ranger, & Friends

Frightening First Friday’s Fun

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

I was out again last night!  Greeting folks, dancing, and riding on the big red bus!  Here were a few of the highlights:

The Amazing KazoosThe kids at Eat, Play, Grow and I formed a hit new rock’n'roll group featuring solely  Kazoo instrumentation.  Calling ourselves The Amazing Kazoo Trio we took the establishment by storm.  We’ve been talking about touring, or at least setting up a myspace, but you know, it’s just so hard to get all the band together these days.

And speaking of bands, this lonesome cowpoke stepped in for little Avery himself over at Averyboo Arts, strummming away on acoustic guitar with the jazz band Terminal island.  Check it out!

The Terminal Island

And finally, what’s a Halloween First Friday’s without a little boogieing?  That’s Andrea Tetsa of Free Spirit Yoga cutting a rug with yours truly.  Too bad I forgot to dress up for Hallowe’en.

Cutting a rug with Andrea Testa

First Friday Cometh!

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

Looky here Long Beach!

Zombie Crowd at the Art Theatre

After honing my zombie battling technique at last Friday’s midnight mondo movie over at The Art Theatre (Find out more at!), I am happy to report that I am poised and ready to undertake the dreaded onslaught of the undead that threatens tommorrows First Friday event!

Looks like those loathsome fools over at the Alive Theatre (, I am chock full of links today!) have been meddling with the dark arts again and have ressurected an army of somnambulists who are flocking to our beloved Atlantic Cooridor demanding brains!

Alive Theatre 'Acts Up'

Seems like neither the jazzy musicians of The Uncredible Combo playing at Elise’s Tea Room, nor the Belly Dancers at Baba Ghanouj seem prepared for this zombie uprising!  But fear not citizen, whenever the living dead rear their rotten heads, The Knoll’s Ranger will be there……Running in fear.  Hey, I never specified what my technique was).