Archive for January, 2010

The Knolls Ranger Goes Green!

Saturday, January 30th, 2010


The Knolls Ranger’s my name and urban landscape beautification’s my game!  (Parcheesi is also my game, but that doesn’t really apply here).  So I was suitably siked on Saturday to join The Boy Scouts Of America troupe 29, The Bixby Knolls Business Improvement Association, Tree People, and a handful of hobos with their planting of thirty five crepe myrtle “muskogee” trees along the bottom stretch of my favorite commercial corridor, Atlantic Avenue!

Requisite novelty shovel gag photo

Excavation got under way promptly at 9 AM saturday morning, (right after Dora the Explorer, don’t worry I had the horse Tivo it for me).  We sweated, grunted, planted, swept, caked our gold boots with mud, and made the same bad fungi/fun guy pun over and over again, but at the end of it all we had thirty five healthy, happy trees to show for it!


The Muskogee Myrtle is a lavender blossomed relative of the deciduous non-purple myrtles native to South Asia and Oceania.  Being part plant myself I found the 35 representatives of this species to be exceptionally ebulliant and good humored!  Except for one named Bob situated near The Golden Bowl who made a few disparaging comments about someone’s mother and seemed a tad rancorous to the ranger.  But hey, one mean myrtle ain’t bad.

A fine looking post

The turn out was great due in large part to Citizen Forester, Greg Reilly who organized the event with his fellow scouts in order to achieve his eagle scout merit!  I am happy to report that the Boy Scouts have recognized his achievement, and that he is now, and will forever remain an eagle, riding on hot air thermals, feasting on fish and roadkill, and being the symbol of America that we all need him to be.

A Tremendous Transformation, Kafka's got nothin' on Greg Reilly

These sweet little saplings can be spied along the Atlantic Cooridor from 35th street east until Bixby Road!  Check them out, feed them a dash of water if they’re thirsty, and bask in the good old fashioned greenification of Bixby knolls.  Oh, and while you’re in the area do grab a strawberry shake from Georgie’s Place.  They’re divine.

People Need Trees, Trees Need People, Welcome Rosie!

Torrential Rains Leave Litter

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

What a Mess!

It’s a hard rains a-gonna fall, but that ain’t no excuse to get lackadaisical with your street sweeping citizens!  Rain, hail, and even tornadoes have been touching down in Long Beach during the latter part of January but the real blight to our streets could be trash.

My Goodness!

Doing My Part

Just remember, Bixby Knolls is a beautiful community precisely because of concerted efforts amongst it’s citizenry to pick up discarded debris.  So do us all a favor and drop your doings in a trash or recycling receptacle even if the culprit happens to be a rainy mother nature.  Or in the case of Huntington Beach, a really terrifying tornado!

Not the Tornado that hit Huntington

So please, recycle, reduce, reuse, and close the loop guys.  We’ve only got one planet after all.  Oh yeah, and remember to cut those plastic six-pack rings while you’re at it, the fish are our friends too!  Yee-ha!

Salon Medusa does the Ranger Right!

Sunday, January 17th, 2010

Look at all this product!

Hi Ho Citizens!  I’m back with another Ranger recommendation for y’all!  Yee-ha!

As those of you in the know’lls may recall, I was born from a chance paring of an old abuelita woman and a bean pod in the fields of Lakewood circa late 1800′s.  And I’ll be darned if I’ve had my haircut once in over 120 years!  I knew that this lapse in grooming on my part could not stand and so I saddled up my gumption and trudged over to Salon Medusa.

Feel a Snip Comin' On

At first I was afraid somebody would shove a gorgon’s decapitated head into my line of vision and turn me into stone, but I quickly discovered that the name of the place was not indicative of the product (whew!).  Not only was my stylist amicable, and beguiling but she was downright sagacious to boot!  Git along little doggies!

The Scalp Massage

In addition to a competent cut, the friendly staff of Salon Medusa gave me a scalp massage, a shampoo job, and a muffin! I think I died and went to ranger heaven!

The Muffin Offering

But snacks aside, the process was so complex that I was shocked at how relatively modest the prices were!  At one point the stylist had me smell her fingers, I can’t imagine that this is a part of typical human grooming but it was heavenly.

The Finger Sniff

The stuff they put in my hair apparently had exfoliation fighting properties due to tree bark!  So now I can add mighty anti-desquamate hair to my list of super powers!  Also, due to my being part bean pod, every cut hair left on the salon floor serves as a kind of seed stolon, and carries with it the genetic information neeeded to grow another ranger.  Just plant one of those suckers in some shady soil and boom!  Baby Ranger Pod People!Pod Progeny

So, if for no other reason than the free muffin, Salon Medusa is the way to go when it comes to styling, cutting, shaping, coloring, extending, or otherwise altering your hair!  But don’t just take my word for it, see for yourself!


Got My Hair Did

Salon Medusa is located at 4232 Atlantic Avenue Long Beach, CA 90807-2802.  Call (562) 427-7977 to set up an appointment.

Will the Real Knolls Ranger Please Stand Up?

Friday, January 1st, 2010

Heads up Bixby Brethren!  2010 is upon us, ushering in a fabulous new decade: the tens!  This year I resolve to continue my quest to man the streets of Bixby Knolls and the Atlantic Cooridor, promote the businesses and preserve the Bixby way of life!  But be aware dear citizen, the Knolls Ranger, just like any super-hero, has nemeses.  Deceptive nemeses!  And a few of these foes may go great lengths to bamboozle you!  But make no mistake, there is only one true Knolls Ranger and any other masked superheroes are just imitators!

“But Uncle Knollsey-” You ask, “How will I ever be able to discern between the real you, and the phoney you?!”

Well, I thought you might ask that, so I’ve compiled a series of photographs which I hope will train your eye.

This is The Knolls Ranger:

The Knolls Ranger!

Note the insouciant expression, the Bixby name tag, the perfect eyebrows.  Only this man is the Bixby hero you trust and love.  Take a good long gander, commit this mug to memory and now check out this gentleman:

Not fooling anyone

This is NOT the Knolls Ranger, though at a glance he may appear to be!  But closer inspection of this Knolls Ranger impersonator will reveal subtle differences between us.  For example, this man has a moustache.

Back in the saddle again but not to be mistaken for yours truly

Aha!  Tricky, this is not the Knolls Ranger either.  Give-aways?  The Knolls Ranger doesn’t have a horse, and wouldn’t be caught dead without his gold boots and mask.  Also this is beloved country western star Gene Autry.

An Actor Playing the Ranger

The color scheme may be identical but a real ranger this fellow isn’t.  This is actually the actor who’s playing the Knolls Ranger in the upcoming made for tv movie, The Knolls Way.  Coming soon to the lifetime network!

Slight variation in physique

This is NOT the Knolls Ranger, this is a big, buff, half-naked dude in a cowboy hat.  Picking up the fine nuances yet?

I'm a collectible!

Neither of these folks are actually The Knolls Ranger, in fact, I’m pretty sure the one on the right is a toy.

Happy Tails Cowboy Pet Costume

This is NOT the Knolls Ranger, but it IS adorable.

I hope this has been helpful.