Archive for May, 2012

The Ballad of Bixby Belle!

Thursday, May 3rd, 2012

Well howdy do kiddies, it’s your old pal the Knolls Ranger getting’ ready to spin you one of my world famous yarns.  Now thissy here one’s near and dear to me for it’s all about a literal doll by the name o’ Belle who happens to be my best gal.  My heart beats three times what the docs say it’s supposed to when she shows up on the Atlantic Cooridor grinning pure as pudding and waving that cowgirl hat of hers around.  I’m real thankful she’s back in my life and thought y’all might like to here the story about how she came to be.  It all has to do with magical LA river run-off, the Dooley family, and the simple beating of two hearts.  But this ain’t the kind of tale one just tells alright, heavens now, a story this splendiferous can only be sung.  So without further ado I give you the whopping’ campfire song, The Ballad of the Bixby Belle as composed by country western legend Steamboat Smolar and best appreciated when sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies.

Come hither, take a listen

to a sordid type of tale

’bout a misses supersticious

that we call the Bixby Belle

 

Her origins are well known

from here to Belmont Shore

it all started in our Lord’s year

around 1954

 

Her friend, the Knolls Ranger

got Belle as a reward

from Mrs. Dooley’s doll collection

when he washed and waxed her Ford

 

The Knolls Ranger carried Belle

almost everywhere he went

with a notable exception

when he gave her up for lent

 

One day, trouble came a-brewin’

for the Ranger and his gal

They were by the LA River

when the Ranger tripped and fell

 

He tried to correct his stumble

but the pavement he did meet

while the doll fell in the river

the Ranger scrambled to his feet

 

After Bixy Belle had fallen

our Hero dove right in

To save his dear companion

and to be with her again

 

When the Ranger found Belle

he was surely quite surprised

for the magic of the river

put a sparkle in her eyes

 

Our Belle, now a real girl

she was no longer a doll

she could talk and think and yodel

and go shopping at the mall

 

Now the Bixby folks all rejoice

to have a super homespun team

the Ranger and Bixby Belle

are as sweet as peach ice cream

I credit all the sweetness to my wonderful girl, the apple of my life, the eye of my light!  Why just take a gander at her humble and benevolent being.

Bixby’s Back in the Blogosphere!

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012

Holy hillbillies humming harmoniously!  Has it really been half a year since we last reported on Long Beach super-hero and notorious photo bomber The Knolls Ranger?!  What were we doing this whole time?  Occupying something?  Watching season four of True Blood on a perpetual loop of libidinous vampire recursion?  Getting some home improvement supplies from Orchard Supply Hardware (gonna build us a gazebo!).  Well whatever we’ve been doing we’re darn sorry it wasn’t providing you the always alliterating, somewhat sesquipedalian, silly joke website on masked men and Bixby commerce that you so desperately desire!  You haven’t gone and left us for Ragensi‘s site have you?

Ragensi: That Other LA County Super-hero

We hope not because a lot’s happened in Bixby Knolls since we’ve been away!  The Ranger went missing!  The Belle showed up!  There were rock parties and mardi gras parades and like a bajillion first fridays and we’d like to share them all with you gentle reader!  All the photos of Bixby resident Thor Carson mugging for the camera,all the tales of Bixby glories and Cal heights courage!

Every breath-catching photo of the ranger’s beautiful best gal The Bixby Belle!So sit back, pop yourself a tall sarsparilla, and take a magical internet stroll through the Bixby Knolls of the past ten months!  Just scroll down!

PS:  Orchard Supply Hardware truly is a Herculean port of hulking hardware for home improvement and if you ain’t been yet you’re doing yourself a disservice.  Cheap prices, fine goods. and just one of the many fine shopping centers in Bixby’s bustling business district!  So what are you waiting for?!  Head over to 4480 Atlantic and check ‘em out!