Posts Tagged ‘BKBIA’

Bixby’s Back in the Blogosphere!

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012

Holy hillbillies humming harmoniously!  Has it really been half a year since we last reported on Long Beach super-hero and notorious photo bomber The Knolls Ranger?!  What were we doing this whole time?  Occupying something?  Watching season four of True Blood on a perpetual loop of libidinous vampire recursion?  Getting some home improvement supplies from Orchard Supply Hardware (gonna build us a gazebo!).  Well whatever we’ve been doing we’re darn sorry it wasn’t providing you the always alliterating, somewhat sesquipedalian, silly joke website on masked men and Bixby commerce that you so desperately desire!  You haven’t gone and left us for Ragensi‘s site have you?

Ragensi: That Other LA County Super-hero

We hope not because a lot’s happened in Bixby Knolls since we’ve been away!  The Ranger went missing!  The Belle showed up!  There were rock parties and mardi gras parades and like a bajillion first fridays and we’d like to share them all with you gentle reader!  All the photos of Bixby resident Thor Carson mugging for the camera,all the tales of Bixby glories and Cal heights courage!

Every breath-catching photo of the ranger’s beautiful best gal The Bixby Belle!So sit back, pop yourself a tall sarsparilla, and take a magical internet stroll through the Bixby Knolls of the past ten months!  Just scroll down!

PS:  Orchard Supply Hardware truly is a Herculean port of hulking hardware for home improvement and if you ain’t been yet you’re doing yourself a disservice.  Cheap prices, fine goods. and just one of the many fine shopping centers in Bixby’s bustling business district!  So what are you waiting for?!  Head over to 4480 Atlantic and check ‘em out!

A Felicitous First Friday For February

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

Epidermis Canvas on display at LB Clothing Co.

Like the energy conserving metabolic depression that occurs in hibernating woodland mammals, First Fridays needs an occasional bit of repose to strike back fresh and re-invigorated.  And strike back they did!  After taking January off in order to digest December’s figgy puddin’, First Fridays was a veritable  galestorm of energy, art, passion, and community engagement on Feb. 4th!

Of course, yours truly, the Knolls Ranger was there all decked out in my cherubic finest!  I was launching wayward love arrows into the Bixby breeze and arresting the hearts of the neighborhood with thoughts of romance and bonhomie!  Yee-haw!

Watch out Vangie Ogg, cupid's arrow's comin' for you!

I spotted some of my very favorite Long Beach citizens such as Evan Kelly of LB Creative, and Logan Crow of Mondo Celluloid.

Evan Kelly and Logan Crow:  Friends to the End

The Poly bunnies
were seen in the Long Beach Historical Society and the Long Beach Clothing Company where they were enjoying the hip hop music.  You get it?!  Hip Hop?!  Because they’re bunnies!  Hahahahahahahaha!  Wooooh!….I slay me.

Polytechnic High School, they don't cotton much to bad puns

There were four different jazz bands playing in locations as diverse as Georgie’s Place, It’s a Grind Coffee, The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, & the BKBIA office!

Blow daddy blow!

And for those who liked things a little more experimental, Sander Wolff and co. were turning heads and blowing minds with their systems-based improvisation immersion sound art in a former furniture expo.  Say that five times fast!

Drones so good

And for you shop-o-holics there was baked goodies, crafts, chocolatey things, live art and more made fresh by local artisans included these super swell Dia de Los Muertos style skull pillows from Belleza Muerta!  Death never felt so cushy.

Death never felt so cushy

One of the craziest sights of the evening was the window display at Long Beach Clothing Company where my commander-in-chief, Blair Cohn, and local contest winner Somatra Sean got public tattoos!  Ouch!

Blair Cohn gets Inked at Long Beach Clothing Company

In addition to all that there were improv actors, jewelry designers, doggies from the LB animal care unit, city council members, Tarot card readers, punk rockers, mandolin crooners, classic cars, and Hawaii Hula dancers!  Truly a bohemian experience!  For those of you who feel left out by all the fun, fear not!  For First Fridays will be back next month on March 4th from 6 to ten pm on the Atlantic Cooridor between Wardlow and Del Amo!  See you there Bixby Buckaroos!  Peace out.

Straight up Bixby y'all

Photos courtesy of Vangie Ogg, 562 City Life, and Daniel DeBoom.

The Best of 2010, A Ranger’s Year-In-Review

Saturday, January 8th, 2011

My Senitments Precisely

As the ball dropped behind Dick Clark  and citizens made kissy faces in the dark, the Knolls Ranger decided to look back and remember the super year that just was.  From shipwrecked 16 year olds to precognitive cephalopods, 2010 was a veritable hootenanny of local, state, and world excitement!  But don’t take my word for it, cast your mind back through the fog of time and recall these rip-roaring dates of revelry for the Ranger’s 2010 Year-In Review!

Jan. 4th : The tallest man made structure to date, the Burj Khalifa opens in Dubai, of The United Arab Emirates.  Upon opening, area man, “Jack” climbs up the building and brings back a golden egg laying goose and singing harp.

The Towering Burj Khalifa of Dubai

Jan. 3oth: Boy Scout Greg Rielly of troop 29, turns into a majestic soaring eagle.  But this stunning transformation had nothing to do with Voodoo brouhaha and the casting of chicken bones, and everything to do with community activation.   Thanks for the Muskogee Myrtles Greg!

Tree Planting

Feb. 3rd.  The Long Beach Police Department ends their exhaustive six month long search for a new chief of police after former LAPD second-in-command Jim McDonnell successfully beats out other contestants in a televised program called, So You Think You Can Chief. The program called for the police officers to perform weekly choreographed dance numbers and eat icky looking insects, among other things.

LBPD Cheif of Police Jim Mcdonnell

Feb. 12th, The 2010 winter Olympics kick off in Vancouver and Whistler.  Canadian sports commentators Bob & Doug McKenzie report, “It’s a beauty, eh.”

Take off Hoser

Feb. 26th, After double parking my beloved horse Chromium on an impacted Long Beach street, she runs off and crosses the Bering Strait.  Marking her the First Horse Owned By A Pod Person Super-hero to Successfully Cross The Bering Strait from the Pacific Coast.  Take that Silver!

Dear Chromium, you will be missed

April 9th, Local troupe Alive Theatre debuts their uncompromising vision of civic inaction with Eugene Ionesco’s A Hell of a Mess at 3838 Atlantic.  Venue holder Paul Forman, inspired by the theatrics, announces his upcoming one-man-show, Paul’s Way.

A precursor to Paul Forman's One-Man-Show

April 14 – Ash from erupting volcano’s beneath the ice cap Eyjafjallajökull in Iceland, halts air traffic in northern and western Europe.  Which is good news for my buddy Dale who’s in the train business.

Money Time Dale!  Yee-ha!  Git 'er Done!  Etc...

April 29th, City Mobility Coordinator Charles Gandy, members of the bike community, DJ Neon Hunter, and the Ranger IPA guys meet up at the Factory Gastro-bar to discuss making Long Beach the most bike-friendly city in the US and drink brewskies.  In an unprecedented and shocking move that gets some hate mail, I turn in my regular duds for a decidedly PG-13 wardrobe that resembles a beer keg. Heaven’s to Betsy!

Controversial Costume with Another Ranger

May 4th, A new world record is set for art sold at an auction when a Pablo Picasso piece entitled, Nude, Green Leaves and Bust, sells for $106.5 million.  It seems an exorbitant price for a single painting but any struggling Non-profit organization that expresses dismay probably lacks culture and just doesn’t “get it.”

Picasso painting worth more than GDP of Malyasia

May 5th, The First Annual Long Beach Bicycle Tour attracts thousands who bike and huff across all thirty miles of scenic bike routes, city streets, and historical landmarks.  Here’s to hoping that 2012′s First Annual Unicycle Tour is as well attended.

The First annual Bike Tour

May 7th, The Neanderthal Genome Project announces that they have successfully sequenced enough of the genome to suggest that man and neanderthal interbred.  Neanderthal Civil Rights activists rejoice in a series of funny TV commercials for a car insurance company.

Man and Neandrethal, unlikely Bed-fellows?  Not According to Science

May 19th, The Bixby Knolls Strollers continue their monthly morning community treks from It’s a Grind Coffeehouse (4245 Atlantic Ave) to the far reaches of Bixby Knolls and Cal Heights.  On this morning the Knolls Ranger accompanied them and shared stories of his days on the Rancho photo-synthesizing alongside Jotham and Llewellyn.

A Morning Bixby Stroll Club

June 11th-July 10th, Paul the octopus from the Oberhausen sea life center gained notoriety for successfully predicting the winning team for each of Germany’s seven matches in the 2010 world cup.  In addition to football outcomes, the cephalapod was able to accurately predict lotto numbers, keno numbers, and that Oedipus Rex would eventually kill his father and marry his mother.

Paul the oracle octopus predicts a win for Germany

July 20th, The 5th Annual Bixby Knolls Dragster Expo & Car Show drew huge crowds and featured over 200 classic and vintage rods.  There was music and merriment and beer gardens, oh, my!  Mark your calendars for July 9th, 2011.  When once again the tranquil North Long Beach night will roar with the sounds of motor engines.  Hot diggity!

The 5th Annual Bixby Dragster Show & Car Expo

August 7th, Council Members, Congresswomen, RDA folk, neighbors, and the ranger drink coco and shop at the brand new Marshalls Department store!  I auction off a handbag!

Ladies and Gentlemen of Bixby Knolls, get your shop on

August 25th, The BKBIA office gets a surprise letter from another local do-gooder who refers to himself simply as the Naples Superhero.  Mystery man-o-Naples, we still want to meet up with you!
The Naples Hero

Sep. 3rd, Due to an influx of microscopic krill to our shores, record numbers of blue whales show up off the coast of Long Beach.  The Aquarium of the Pacific and Harbor Breeze Cruises shuttle tourists out to see the behemoths and gain evidence about their migratory patterns.  As of press time the whales declined to make any statements one way or the other regarding the Long Beach breakwater.

Bring on the Blue Whales

Sep. 10th, Greggory Moore heads to Burning Man.  Wears funny clothes.

Hehehe

Sep. 14th, Hollywood Photographer Peter Tangen, (responsible for the Hellboy, Spiderman, and Batman movie posters) begins to create stylized photo poster images of real life super-heroes (like the Knolls Ranger) the world over.  Subjects include Vancouver’s Thanotos, New York’s NYX, and San Fransisco’s Motor Mouth.

San Fransisco Hero, Motor Mouth

Sep. 18th, Long Beach Harbor Board Commissioner Mario Cordero is nominated to the Federal Maritime Commission by US President Barack Obama.  Which I’ll warrant is slightly more auspicious than my nomination to Homecoming King.

Mario Cordero

October 17th, I turn 129 years old in human years and my party at Vangie Ogg Photography and Pixie Toys (3930 Atlantic avenue) was the talk of the town! The yummy cake was courtesy of Alsace Lorraine Bakery.

D'aaaaw, too cute

December 2nd, GFA-41, an arsenic based strain of rod-shaped bacterium is discovered in CA’s Mono lake, thus showing that life is possible without phosphorous.  Everyone from NASA scientists to the casual man-on-the-street was excited by this new expansive view on what makes life and the possibilities of encountering it in space.  Everyone, I should say, except for the chemical compound Phosphorous himself, who grew very depressed and didn’t leave his room for a week.

Arsenic Bacteria in Mono Lake

And that, in essence was 2010.   Only time will tell what 2011 holds, but this ranger for one is excited.

First Friday Fun Around the Corner!

Thursday, December 2nd, 2010
City Councilmembers' Rae Gabelich & James Johnson of the 8th and 7th districts share a special moment with BMX founder Scott Breithaupt and Mayor Bob Foster at the last Friday First

City Councilmembers' Rae Gabelich & James Johnson of the 8th and 7th districts share a special moment with BMX founder Scott Breithaupt and Mayor Bob Foster at the last Friday First

Yippi Kai Yay Bixby Boomers!  It’s your old pal and eponymous blogger of thissy here website,  The Knolls Ranger!  (cue tumultuous fanfare)

Knolls Ranger: Lover

Knolls Ranger: Lover

And boy george, am I ever excited right now!  “Why is that?” you respond with obligatory interest.  Because dear internet chum, another First Friday is soon to be upon us.

First Friday:  A Hat-Swappin' Good Time For Everyone!

First Friday: A Hat-Swappin' Good Time For Everyone!

“Holy Cats!”  Come the cries from the other ends of screens snaking infinitely outwards from within the nebula that is the information superhighway, “You really mean it Knolls Ranger!  You mean that my beloved Bixby Knolls (located just North of the 405 around the Cal heights region of Long Beach) is gearing up for another one of their slam-dunk epochal arts and community events lovingly dubbed First Fridays wherein there will undoubtedly be potent potables, merry-making musicians, live art, and colorful characters!”

To which we at Knolls Ranger Dot Com, nod once, close both eyes contentedly and utter our favorite word, “Yes.”*

Hooray!

Hooray!

Last month’s First Friday was a palpable potpourri of community engagement and artistic expression.  Our wonderful Mayor Bob Foster showed up at the Dana Branch Public Library with City Councilmember James Johnson to crack-wise with the kids and impart valuable lessons on the import of reading.

De Mayor und Ich

De Mayor und Ich

Tiny tots gettin' their learnin' on!

Tiny tots gettin' their learnin' on!

A bunch of roving bands took to the streets like bohemian buskers playing everything from smooth jazz to death metal.

Much Merriement

Much Merriement

Drumming and dancing!  Looks like community engagement to me!

Drumming and dancing! Looks like community engagement to me!

There was lot’s of live painting from local practicing artistes!

Don't.  Move.  A Muscle.

Scott Breithaupt, the founding father of BMX bikes was on hand at the Expo Furniture Warehouse for their display of 40 Years of BMX History.  Which featured classic collector bikes, old jersies, National Champion Trophies, and historical clippings.

Bicycle Moto Cross got it's start in Long Beach after all.

Bicycle Moto Cross got it's start in Long Beach after all.

And I was of course there to see, taste, experience, and document it all!

Check out my 180 Barspin Y'all!

Check out my 180 Barspin Y'all!

So the question is, how do we match it this month?  Can lightning strike the same place twice even though conventional logic stubbornly maintains it cannot.  Well; with a tree and Menorah lightning ceremony, Christmas carolers, rock-a-billy rovers, the eagerly anticipated return of the Long Beach Clothing Company, and special appearances by both Kris Kringle and Harry Potter; it certainly seems like it will.

Some Special Guests to Bixby Knolls

Some Special Guests to Bixby Knolls

* Here is a partial list of other words we very much like: Shin-dig, hootenanny, lugubrious, and cheese-wheel.  Thank you for your time.

Introducing… The Naples Superhero!

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

Naples Island

Your local Bixby Knolls superhero, The Knolls Ranger, has long known he wasn’t the only civic minded masked man in existence.  That in fact, his own frenetic heroicity was merely one consumation of a great taciturn tradition of REAL PEOPLE ducking furtively into alleyways and phone booths with garish capes and tights in hand, in order that they might do their own community some greater good.  (And make a really stunning fashion statement holus bolus).

In the past we at Knollsranger.com have sought to build public awareness of the existence of these fashionable philanthropists.  Introducing you blog-smiths to the likes of Captain Prospect and his Capital City Supersquad, Terriffica, Angel-Grinder Man, and more!  But when it came to LBC heroing the ranger thought he’d cornered the market as the old bears and bulls say.  After all, Captain Prospect is kickin’ it old skool in DC, Terriffica hangs her cape in New York, and Angle-Grinder Man is a vigilante Londoner for Kee-ripes sake!

It wasn’t until a mysterious letter was Fed Exed to the Bixby Knolls Business Office that the ranger realized not only the error in his ways, but just how capacious the hero racket had become!

Ladies and Gentlemen we bring you:  The Naples Super-hero!

An unheralded letter

Disregard the spelling snafu’s this my friends is evidence of another hero in our midst!  But who is the Naples Superhero who both writes and signs his name as simply Superhero and what are his intentions?  Is the letter meant to be received as a call for collaboration or a challenge of super-hero dominance?  Could the “grate” Mr. Huntington in fact be the late Samuel Huntington?  And if so does that mean the former Political Scientist had faked his own demise in ’08, or that he is an undead zombie?

This letter, which is noteworthy for it’s brevity as well as it’s typographical errors offers no indication.  And the accompanying photo of he and former Long Beach Mayor Beverly O’Neil raises more questions and relieves no answers.

Beverly O'Neil and Super-hero

Naples Superhero, if you read this, know that we received your letter and are very interested in meeting up with you to discuss future collaborations.  Might you by chance be able to attend the next Bixby Knolls First Friday?  If not, then we will continue to keep our eyes peeled for a man dressed like Mark Twain.

The Knolls Ranger Goes Green!

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

Tree_Planting_10_101-1

The Knolls Ranger’s my name and urban landscape beautification’s my game!  (Parcheesi is also my game, but that doesn’t really apply here).  So I was suitably siked on Saturday to join The Boy Scouts Of America troupe 29, The Bixby Knolls Business Improvement Association, Tree People, and a handful of hobos with their planting of thirty five crepe myrtle “muskogee” trees along the bottom stretch of my favorite commercial corridor, Atlantic Avenue!

Requisite novelty shovel gag photo

Excavation got under way promptly at 9 AM saturday morning, (right after Dora the Explorer, don’t worry I had the horse Tivo it for me).  We sweated, grunted, planted, swept, caked our gold boots with mud, and made the same bad fungi/fun guy pun over and over again, but at the end of it all we had thirty five healthy, happy trees to show for it!

Tree_Planting_10_017-1

The Muskogee Myrtle is a lavender blossomed relative of the deciduous non-purple myrtles native to South Asia and Oceania.  Being part plant myself I found the 35 representatives of this species to be exceptionally ebulliant and good humored!  Except for one named Bob situated near The Golden Bowl who made a few disparaging comments about someone’s mother and seemed a tad rancorous to the ranger.  But hey, one mean myrtle ain’t bad.

A fine looking post

The turn out was great due in large part to Citizen Forester, Greg Reilly who organized the event with his fellow scouts in order to achieve his eagle scout merit!  I am happy to report that the Boy Scouts have recognized his achievement, and that he is now, and will forever remain an eagle, riding on hot air thermals, feasting on fish and roadkill, and being the symbol of America that we all need him to be.

A Tremendous Transformation, Kafka's got nothin' on Greg Reilly

These sweet little saplings can be spied along the Atlantic Cooridor from 35th street east until Bixby Road!  Check them out, feed them a dash of water if they’re thirsty, and bask in the good old fashioned greenification of Bixby knolls.  Oh, and while you’re in the area do grab a strawberry shake from Georgie’s Place.  They’re divine.

People Need Trees, Trees Need People, Welcome Rosie!