Posts Tagged ‘Knolls Ranger’

Mardi Hardy at Rainbow Harbor

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

Mardi Gras, or Fat Tuesday en  francais is traditionally recognized as the last day of the Catholic tinged Carnival celebrations and is marked by costume donning, normative behavioral dropping, street dancin’, and feasting on fatty fat foods.  Sounds like the ranger’s kind of holiday!  Mardi Gras specifically was brought to the United States by a couple of King Louis XIV’s lackeys checking up on the monarch’s hold of le Louisiane, and was brought to Long Beach by a tow-headed community organizer (and Bixby resident) by the name of Jeff Williams.

True Believer

This Tuesday’s celebrations were the third annual for The Shoreline Village area of Downtown Long Beach, and the second annual attended by your favorite neighborhood ranger.

And, as in last year, the walkways were rampant with pirates…

Ar, be ye mates of Kapn' Kula? Than be walkin' the plank with ye!

…mascots…

Hearty Love

…fellow super-heroes (Z Blade XX it’s been a long time, how are you?!)…

…beauty pageant winners…

Shan Smith, Mrs. Southern CA

…beaded and bedazzled residents…

…and some wonderful ladies from an owl-habitat-preservation group called Hooters!

Woodland Conservationists

…The parade kicked off at three led by Mardi Gras Queen Estro Jen of the Long Beach Skate Shop and Roller Derby

…and Mardi Gras King Blair Cohn.  That’s right, our very own Bixby Knolls Business Improvement Association Executive Director!

In addition to the parade there was a shrimp eating contest, face painting station, mask-making station and a 21+ after hours event called Party gras which featured live music sets by The Gumbo Bros., 00 Soul, and Lazy Brad Lewis whose languidness is matched only by his ability to jam.

Brad Lewis: Lazy

All in all a Fat Tuesday to remember!

BEADS! BEADS! GIVE US SOME BEADS!

Photos courtesy of Daniel DeBoom, Justin Rudd, Alissa Sablan, Woody, & Logan Crow.

The Ranger Models!

Sunday, February 20th, 2011

A Ranger Ready for the Runway

The sound waves buzz with the whirr and click of a million hungry cameras raving for captured souls, the runway is slick with the glandular unrest of the other models, my own nerves swim within my skull in artful synchronized patterns of beauty.  “You can do this champ,” I affirm firmly.  I step out onto the runway wearing my Boyer, Taper, and Weingart designer duds, shamble forward like a sultry simian, and strike a pose…

Or something like that.

Truth is I was tickled pink, purple, and a whole lotta other colors too, that I was invited by the legendary Art Supply Warehouse in Westminster to model for their weekly Catalyst (no, not THAT catalyst) art classes.  I struck my contraposto, I did my best interpretation of a bowl of fruit, and I inspired local Westminster artists with the ranger form.

Now granted, the Art Supply Warehouse is a fair distance outside of Bixby Knolls, but this may be one of those rare places outside of beauteous Bixby that’s worth your attention!

Not only does the Art Supply Warehouse provide good deals on pastels and hobby brushes, but their Catalyst location (just a few doors down!) has regular gallery hangings, and life drawing sessions every Wednesday and Sunday night!  They’re also doing something for the month of April with those bulbous headed, opaque Munny characters you’ve seen in skate shops and art magazines!  Check back here for more info!  And check out these sweet pics of the ranger getting his portrait done!  Yeee-ha!

Displaying my Good Side

Displaying my Good Side

Stretching out the hammies

Stretching out the hammies

A Ranger's Many Looks

A Ranger's Many Looks

Sweepy Time

Sweepy Time

The Art Supply Warehouse is located at 6672 Westminster Blvd., Westminster, CA 92683. And their Catalyst space is less than a block away at 6630 Westminster Blvd. Call 714-891-3626, or e-mail them at catalyst@artsupplywarehouse.com for information on their Munny contest or registration for classes like the one the ranger modeled for.

The Best of 2010, A Ranger’s Year-In-Review

Saturday, January 8th, 2011

My Senitments Precisely

As the ball dropped behind Dick Clark  and citizens made kissy faces in the dark, the Knolls Ranger decided to look back and remember the super year that just was.  From shipwrecked 16 year olds to precognitive cephalopods, 2010 was a veritable hootenanny of local, state, and world excitement!  But don’t take my word for it, cast your mind back through the fog of time and recall these rip-roaring dates of revelry for the Ranger’s 2010 Year-In Review!

Jan. 4th : The tallest man made structure to date, the Burj Khalifa opens in Dubai, of The United Arab Emirates.  Upon opening, area man, “Jack” climbs up the building and brings back a golden egg laying goose and singing harp.

The Towering Burj Khalifa of Dubai

Jan. 3oth: Boy Scout Greg Rielly of troop 29, turns into a majestic soaring eagle.  But this stunning transformation had nothing to do with Voodoo brouhaha and the casting of chicken bones, and everything to do with community activation.   Thanks for the Muskogee Myrtles Greg!

Tree Planting

Feb. 3rd.  The Long Beach Police Department ends their exhaustive six month long search for a new chief of police after former LAPD second-in-command Jim McDonnell successfully beats out other contestants in a televised program called, So You Think You Can Chief. The program called for the police officers to perform weekly choreographed dance numbers and eat icky looking insects, among other things.

LBPD Cheif of Police Jim Mcdonnell

Feb. 12th, The 2010 winter Olympics kick off in Vancouver and Whistler.  Canadian sports commentators Bob & Doug McKenzie report, “It’s a beauty, eh.”

Take off Hoser

Feb. 26th, After double parking my beloved horse Chromium on an impacted Long Beach street, she runs off and crosses the Bering Strait.  Marking her the First Horse Owned By A Pod Person Super-hero to Successfully Cross The Bering Strait from the Pacific Coast.  Take that Silver!

Dear Chromium, you will be missed

April 9th, Local troupe Alive Theatre debuts their uncompromising vision of civic inaction with Eugene Ionesco’s A Hell of a Mess at 3838 Atlantic.  Venue holder Paul Forman, inspired by the theatrics, announces his upcoming one-man-show, Paul’s Way.

A precursor to Paul Forman's One-Man-Show

April 14 – Ash from erupting volcano’s beneath the ice cap Eyjafjallajökull in Iceland, halts air traffic in northern and western Europe.  Which is good news for my buddy Dale who’s in the train business.

Money Time Dale!  Yee-ha!  Git 'er Done!  Etc...

April 29th, City Mobility Coordinator Charles Gandy, members of the bike community, DJ Neon Hunter, and the Ranger IPA guys meet up at the Factory Gastro-bar to discuss making Long Beach the most bike-friendly city in the US and drink brewskies.  In an unprecedented and shocking move that gets some hate mail, I turn in my regular duds for a decidedly PG-13 wardrobe that resembles a beer keg. Heaven’s to Betsy!

Controversial Costume with Another Ranger

May 4th, A new world record is set for art sold at an auction when a Pablo Picasso piece entitled, Nude, Green Leaves and Bust, sells for $106.5 million.  It seems an exorbitant price for a single painting but any struggling Non-profit organization that expresses dismay probably lacks culture and just doesn’t “get it.”

Picasso painting worth more than GDP of Malyasia

May 5th, The First Annual Long Beach Bicycle Tour attracts thousands who bike and huff across all thirty miles of scenic bike routes, city streets, and historical landmarks.  Here’s to hoping that 2012′s First Annual Unicycle Tour is as well attended.

The First annual Bike Tour

May 7th, The Neanderthal Genome Project announces that they have successfully sequenced enough of the genome to suggest that man and neanderthal interbred.  Neanderthal Civil Rights activists rejoice in a series of funny TV commercials for a car insurance company.

Man and Neandrethal, unlikely Bed-fellows?  Not According to Science

May 19th, The Bixby Knolls Strollers continue their monthly morning community treks from It’s a Grind Coffeehouse (4245 Atlantic Ave) to the far reaches of Bixby Knolls and Cal Heights.  On this morning the Knolls Ranger accompanied them and shared stories of his days on the Rancho photo-synthesizing alongside Jotham and Llewellyn.

A Morning Bixby Stroll Club

June 11th-July 10th, Paul the octopus from the Oberhausen sea life center gained notoriety for successfully predicting the winning team for each of Germany’s seven matches in the 2010 world cup.  In addition to football outcomes, the cephalapod was able to accurately predict lotto numbers, keno numbers, and that Oedipus Rex would eventually kill his father and marry his mother.

Paul the oracle octopus predicts a win for Germany

July 20th, The 5th Annual Bixby Knolls Dragster Expo & Car Show drew huge crowds and featured over 200 classic and vintage rods.  There was music and merriment and beer gardens, oh, my!  Mark your calendars for July 9th, 2011.  When once again the tranquil North Long Beach night will roar with the sounds of motor engines.  Hot diggity!

The 5th Annual Bixby Dragster Show & Car Expo

August 7th, Council Members, Congresswomen, RDA folk, neighbors, and the ranger drink coco and shop at the brand new Marshalls Department store!  I auction off a handbag!

Ladies and Gentlemen of Bixby Knolls, get your shop on

August 25th, The BKBIA office gets a surprise letter from another local do-gooder who refers to himself simply as the Naples Superhero.  Mystery man-o-Naples, we still want to meet up with you!
The Naples Hero

Sep. 3rd, Due to an influx of microscopic krill to our shores, record numbers of blue whales show up off the coast of Long Beach.  The Aquarium of the Pacific and Harbor Breeze Cruises shuttle tourists out to see the behemoths and gain evidence about their migratory patterns.  As of press time the whales declined to make any statements one way or the other regarding the Long Beach breakwater.

Bring on the Blue Whales

Sep. 10th, Greggory Moore heads to Burning Man.  Wears funny clothes.

Hehehe

Sep. 14th, Hollywood Photographer Peter Tangen, (responsible for the Hellboy, Spiderman, and Batman movie posters) begins to create stylized photo poster images of real life super-heroes (like the Knolls Ranger) the world over.  Subjects include Vancouver’s Thanotos, New York’s NYX, and San Fransisco’s Motor Mouth.

San Fransisco Hero, Motor Mouth

Sep. 18th, Long Beach Harbor Board Commissioner Mario Cordero is nominated to the Federal Maritime Commission by US President Barack Obama.  Which I’ll warrant is slightly more auspicious than my nomination to Homecoming King.

Mario Cordero

October 17th, I turn 129 years old in human years and my party at Vangie Ogg Photography and Pixie Toys (3930 Atlantic avenue) was the talk of the town! The yummy cake was courtesy of Alsace Lorraine Bakery.

D'aaaaw, too cute

December 2nd, GFA-41, an arsenic based strain of rod-shaped bacterium is discovered in CA’s Mono lake, thus showing that life is possible without phosphorous.  Everyone from NASA scientists to the casual man-on-the-street was excited by this new expansive view on what makes life and the possibilities of encountering it in space.  Everyone, I should say, except for the chemical compound Phosphorous himself, who grew very depressed and didn’t leave his room for a week.

Arsenic Bacteria in Mono Lake

And that, in essence was 2010.   Only time will tell what 2011 holds, but this ranger for one is excited.

A One Year Anniversary of Friday Firsts

Sunday, September 5th, 2010

Recursive Rangers

September heralds the one year anniversary of Regnar Sllonk’s rangerly duties.  That’s right it was one year ago tonight that the ranger first thawed out of his frozen repose in the window of the Long Beach Historical Society and began greeting all the wonderful citizens!

And, as if in answer to the ranger’s heightened state of nostalgia, September’s First Friday was an even larger gala affair than normal!  Between Justin Rudd’s Say “Cheese!” Long Beach 24 hour digital photo contest (on display at the Expo Furniture Warehouse) and The Potential Lunatics performance outside the BKBIA office there was much to thrill to.  But don’t just take our word for it, look at the antics the ranger got up to yourself!

Harmonious Ranger

Outside the Historical Society where it all Began

Hanging With the Nieghbors

Salon Medusa Extends My Follicles

Bring it on Derby Girls

In October we’re set to celebrate the one year anniversary as well as my 129th birthday with cake and costumes at Vangie Ogg Photography and Pixie Toys.  Check this out for more info!  Hope to see you there!

Knolls Ranger Interviewed by the Uptown Gazette

Sunday, May 30th, 2010

In the Press Again!

The Uptown Gazette flung a few hard balls my way and also spoke with Ryan Smolar and Blair Cohn about Long Beaches one-and-only superhero!  Read the full article here.